|gear, bucket, axe,sneakers, truck tire, food....|
the way my car has looked for a couple months.
My world of adventures has been amazing since January, starting with the first Death Race Camp, then another camp the following weekend, then volunteering for the Winter Death Race for 3 days, then two weeks later road tripping to Miami for 5 days to do two Spartan Races, then the next weekend after Miami completing a half marathon snowshoe race in Pittsfield, and then....then.....crickets....nothing.
I am struggling with not racing/adventuring at every chance I get. I have been watching many young, athletic, inspiring racers lead this awesome fun life EVERY WEEKEND. And, all I want to do is follow that. Follow my heart. But, jesus, I have a family! I work 40 hours a week! I fill in all the other precious minutes and hours of the day by running and training.
I am at this point in my life where I am in the best shape I have ever been, enjoying meeting people at races, seeing the familiar faces, laughing, rolling in mud under barbed wire, carrying dumb shit like truck tires up steep stuff, but I don't have the time to do this ALL THE TIME whenever I want. I have priorities. Very important people in my life that I love. How do other people do this? I just can't figure it out.
Maybe people with families don't do every race that comes up. They have priorities, too. How do they cope with the want or NEED to keep moving and improving oneself or feeding the fire and desire inside? Are they just more rational and understand that racing and adventuring are not the most important things in their life right now?
I am 41. I have watched very important, close friends and family die over the past year. Very young people. I continue to deal with the death of my daughter that happened EIGHT FUCKING YEARS AGO. I do so with as much grace as possible but it can just creep up on you and BOOM, there it is. I ride the roller coaster ride out and then I move on until it decides to hit me again. What I am getting at is LIFE IS SO SHORT. I want to grow. I want to take advantage of where I am at right now with how good I feel, how healthy I am because you just never know. Am I taking life on by being fearful or just really wanting to grow? I have no idea.
I just know I want to race. I want to grow as a person. I want to meet new people out there who inspire me and perhaps I will inspire others. I want to make a difference. I want to be connected to everyone I meet.
I don't think this is a bad thing. But, I need to find balance.
I have work to do. I love my family. I love myself. I love everyone.
Not sure how to make this happen but this is the path I am on right now and life will always be about work. And change. And growth.
Wonder where this will all take me. It will be interesting to check back in a year and witness my work and if I have peacefully created a balance in my world..and, most importantly, to never forget that I have so much to be thankful for already.
|The "entrance" to Joe's Mountain, Pittsfield, VT home of Peak Races, the Death Race,|
and where magic and personal growth (and pain!) happens.